1. |
speed wobbles
03:00
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Some of us were born to run
The other ones were born to die
But I, I was never born at all
I’ll never rise and I’ll never fall
With dullness in my spine
Sometimes I wonder what it’s like
if I never existed
Yea, I’m cruising by your side
but I’m constantly drifting
Ten steps forward in the wrong direction
Why should I wait until the next election
to reclaim some sense of home?
I fell in love with K8’s complexion
To fall apart in my own reflection
In the Grey, I’m so unknown
Sometimes I wonder what it’s like
if I never existed
If I dissipated from your minds,
would it make a big difference?
I look Gardenia in the eyes and I scream,
“Is this what you wanted?
We’ve been running our whole lives
and it’s me who feels haunted by it”!!
Na na na na na, oh…
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2. |
frankford cul de sac
03:56
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I used to be so cool before you
Remember when I’d steal the keys to dad’s coupe?
We’d turn this town into our sonic get away
Drive until we hit the EZ pass lanes!
Uninspired and Daft…this rotting smell won’t last!
Tell me now, if I may ask,
is this the “shell of my former past”?
Sure, I remember when you taught me to skate
But do you remember how that lasted for a day?
Cause then I skinned my knee and mom complained
I almost missed you the week you ran away
Uninspired and daft…25 on minimum wage
And since you had to ask, it’s not a shell, man, it’s a cage
You used to make me laugh at the Frankford Cul-de-sac,
When I’d break my ass, you’d pick me up, the pain would pass
Now you never laugh, like we used to laugh
I want you to want something so bad, man ANYTHING real bad...
maybe you were way too young to be a fucking dad!
All the signs she tried to say,
your broken mother spoke to me,
Indifference cuts like razor blades,
I lost a brother yesterday
All the signs she tried to say,
your broken mother spoke to me,
Indifference cuts like razor blades,
I lost a brother
I lost a brother yesterday
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3. |
30 strikes!!!
03:37
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1000 crystal suns on a summer night
I was still too young to draw the lines
What were they selling there?
Brother, I am scared, in the bathroom off a dare
Galactic glow despair
30 strikes
All your friends were snakes or mice
I mean 1000 sterling lights on a Stratford night
I was busy getting sized, you were dizzy
Bespeckled worn out mats, your adolescence in a flash
That night Gardenia * noticed red
I noticed you were lying
Cause you told her it was K8
And you just finished crying
I’m a tenant in your past
Evicted on the grass
But I’m squatting til I break
this narrative at last
These days I know when you’ve been lying,
because your ashtray looks untouched
but you swear that you’re just high
Case closed, now we’re cooking up fantasies
from shit we bought at Lowe’s,
it should have meant more to me,
to watch you let yourself go
The table’s turning
And I’m not learning
Anything
The table’s turning
And I’m not learning
Anything, yet again
30 strikes, you kinda left me there that night
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4. |
windshield wipers
03:00
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Windshield wipers
I don’t want to fixate on them
While they’re jolting
So I’ll pull over, we can laugh at how they move
He had to go and mess this up
Only you can make a car ride silent
When I tried to talk it out with mom
She bit her tongue and said he’s trying
Windshield wipers
As minuscule as that sounds
It was the most I heard from you
When I spent the weekend home, down south
You had to go and blow your top
Even on Gardenia’s birthday
I used to always wonder what (when I was your age)
You were like when you were my age
Now, I don’t really give a fuck
The way we’ve coalesced is jagged
I’d really like to talk things out
Forget it, never mind, I’m passed it
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5. |
martyr 4 hire
07:30
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We argue about the cup and how we see it filled
But I wanna book a conversation with the one who’s filling it
Where did she get her degree? What are the necessary skills?
Baby, I’m no Angel…but in this economy?
I could be
Let’s climb the roof of our old high school
Since it’s the highest point in town,
it’s furthest from the godforsaken ground
With a four pronged plan, a ladder and grins to line our jaws
Now we’re barely rebels
Check my bio for the cause
It’s used to be beautiful
In this part of town
Then all my friends left
But I’m still here
Bloody feet nailed to the ground
And I’m moving still
But it’s a painful carousel
With every turn, I cool a burn
But the fire’s all around
While we’re up here…tell me what your white friends did last week!
Oh? Friday smoking pot? Sunday fishing with his dad?
Us, we drove around just to find something to eat
And the car is usually silent
But I wear headphones when it’s not
Thank god 4 headphones
or whoever invented headphones when it’s not
It used to be beautiful
in this part of town
And then my brother left but I still stand
My feet nailed to the ground
And I’m moving still
But it’s really fucking slow
Are you a martyr cause you have to be?
Or is this only just for show?
And what are you working for?
To hear her crying
Thru the window, thru the door
And I wish that you would say it
Before I also run away
What are you working for?
Gardenia climbing thru your window
From the porch
Were you young and unafraid?
Did your worries wash away?
I don’t need an empire
Let’s light these bills on fire
Show me who says I need more
I’ll burn that dirty liar
I don’t need a big house,
With cherry hills to roam
Relinquish me this family curse
All I need is all I need…
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6. |
apokoskies
06:03
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Hey man…take a look around
The world is burning down
And you’re a fixture on the couch.
Can you feign a fuck or sound?
There’s numbness in your eyes
And a dullness in your spine
Something, somewhere inside you died
Too long ago to tell
When I asked if you were well
You said…
I’ve never really felt American,
ice cream, apple pie
Writing lyrics on her thighs
A song you’ve heard a million times
But you never recognize yourself in it
Did you finally find your place in the Black Parade?
Did you pierce right thru the crowd,
Rehearsed hellos for Gerard Way?
Did you share how you arrived?
With an unironic pride?
How you closed your eyes,
Heavy traffic on the turnpike
And did you finally feel American?
Ice cream, apple pie
Writing lyrics on her thighs
A song you’ve heard a million times
But you never recognize yourself in it
My, my this American lie
Stole the Chevy,
Drove it right into the lake off of Lakeview Drive
My, my this American lie
Find my body at the bottom of the lake off of Lakeview Drive
My, my what does it take to feel alive?
Stealing cars, starting fights?
You find new fears to hide behind
Then she cries, did you make Gardenia cry?
A broken siren in the night on the side of Lakeview Drive
So Drive! Tonight I’m gonna feel ALIVE
Stealing cars and starting fights
Stealing cars and starting fights
Then she cries, did you make Gardenia cry?
In broken English, once or twice…
Now, it happens all the time.
When you’ve never really felt,
American, like ice cream, apple pie
Writing lyrics on her thighs
A song you’ve heard a million times
But you never recognize yourself in it
Today the TV brought, Americans
With their hands up in the sky
Watching eager bullets fly
A story heard a million times
But we never recognize ourselves in it
I want that field of light
And the radio at night
To hear Delilah speaking of
Making love
Under apocalyptic skies
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7. |
||||
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I learn new things everyday
Some things not new but I try again
The soccer field where we used to play
Is turning colors I don’t understand
It’s changing colors again
It’s changing colors for me, my friend
I caught you
Writing letters from your greatest blunders
Sent to a waif in the age of wonder
Some things you never get back
So you imitate them to recreate them
But a shotgun never really works like thunder
Can you explain that part?
Not a day goes by where I don’t wonder
What noises in your heart
Let you throw a brick aimed at my head
When I was only 10
If I had to pick my worst day yet
Well I guess it happened then
I guess it happened then
30 strikes is just a place
Maybe the first to be more than just a place
Somewhere you never get back to
I heard mom yelling about u and K8
Misbehaving out of state (So missing you is misbehaving)
I’d watch her sit on your back
And teach you how to catch
The Shiveries
30 strikes is just a place
Yea, right, and “cigarettes are just a phase”
You said, “I’m laying bricks to fill my head with shit I’ll soon forget”
If you hadn’t had your worst day yet well you were building up to that
With K8 still on his back,
I’ve never seen him so relaxed
When he said…
“Draw an “x” up on my neck and cut me open yea
I haven’t had my worst day yet, so let the blood drip down my back”
Let the blood drip down my back
Let the blood drip down my back
I can handle hurt like that
So Let the blood drip down my back
Let the blood drip down my back.
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8. |
rutratz university
03:12
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I don’t really know where I stand but the edge is fine
I still wonder who I am when I walk that crooked line
Between neoliberal plans and communist concoctions
When this city ate me whole, it ate all other options
Mike would hit me up, “I’m down to clown”
These expressions I miss most when he’s not around
This frustration with myself, I can’t verbalize
But I’ll leave the feeling on a shelf to metastasize
Hey mike, these people act like children
aimless w/o grasp that thursday nights are someday ending
and of course those “good things” never last
Just take your best friend in the army
Who joined so he could pick
Between Pensacola, Florida or somewhere by the pacific
With only 3 months out of Jersey,
After he stopped feeling homesick
With only 3 months out of Jersey,
He gets stationed at fort dix
mike would hit us up, “I’m down to clown”
While they both get fucked up, I’m not allowed
I forget about the world I’m not fitting in
And the futility I am beneath this skin
(Na na na, na na na na)
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9. |
p.s. k8
04:56
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Saw your mother at a show,
She’s so cool but you know that
My mother doesn’t go
She thinks that my life is lacking
In something I can’t grow
Discipline and Direction
Bc they only come to me in phases
K8, I know you’ve been abused
But I can’t keep you amused,
Not as long as I’m not drinking
I know you’ve suffered a great loss
But my love comes at a cost
When did I become so selfish?
Well I’m also sick and too sober
To watch my friends fall over
I would die before I’m older
Than let these tendencies take over
Four years out, I’m feeling fine
But I can’t stand the smell of wine
Mostly cause it makes me wistful
To kissing K8 at 3am in her tiny college bed,
But she’s too gone to stay awake
Well I’m also sick and too sober
To watch my friends fall over
I’d rather die before we’re older
Than watch these tendencies take over
He said, “Could you P.S. k8 that i almost got my shit together?”
She said, “Heaven knows I’m miserable now”
Though he preferred the Cure
They don’t obscure the meaning of heaven
We’re lying on the floor
Of a Time Machine Basement
Where I locked my void away
But I see him everyday
In some head held high, drunk on the pavement
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10. |
an9el song
05:33
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What did we learn today?
No place lasts forever
No one lives forever
Neither.
Your feet are wet with paint
You’ll learn to walk a portrait
Learn that outside voices, inside are lethal
I broke that chair so fast
I must weigh a ton
I must think a ton,
These thoughts should be illegal
If I am wholly good
A Diamond chandelier
If Light refracts through all of me
How can it be that parts of me are evil?
It’s really not that bad, it’s just a summer fad,
light is temperamental in the south of jersey
There’s nothing to wake up for
Still, today I wake up early
Today I wake up early
You never woke up, curious where this goes
8 or 9 or 10
A brick thrown at his head
Thank god it missed and hit his tiny legs instead
Now do you feel guilty
Top down when he drives
Every parking lot is empty
It’s the only thing that makes him feel
It makes him feel alive
It’s really not that bad
I patched things up with dad
As far as we could go
Before it got too awkward, before it got too sad
We talked about your daughter,
We talked about your body
We talked about your test scores
We talked about potential
We talked about potential
We talked until we figured
That none of that’s essential
That none of that is worthy
Of carving into marble
Of carving in two
You were just born, now you’ve got a kid,
An angel crawls on earth to reach you, to teach you
You’re not just born, with happiness
You learn it everyday, so pull thru, pull me thru too
You were just born, now you’ve got a kid,
An angel crawls on earth to reach you, to teach you
You’re not just born, with happiness
You learn it everyday, so pull thru, pull me thru too
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